I call it mulling over

Its Sunday, the 10th of January 2010. I am sitting in my hostel room. A cot and bed, thick blankets and a quilt. Jackets and sweaters, mufflers and scarves, gloves and boots - things that never had space for, in my wardrobe, or rather, in my life. Today as I sit back and think, everything seems like a contradiction to myself, or to what I wanted to be, and wanted to have. I would never say its sad, or bad. In fact it can be said to be way better than ever. But that doesn't stop it from being a prosthetic of sorts, if you get what I mean. It still hasn't settled in. It still feels like a part of me, sutured to me, and not borne with me, in me or by me. I ain't complaining, nor am I whining. I am just pondering over things. Just like that.

Pilani. A place I had heard of. A place that had been impressive for BITS. A place I never had any inclination ever, of visiting. And today, I am a part of this little town. I travel around with friends, I enjoy the lectures at BITS, I love the atmosphere here and I love the way I have fit myself right in. Yet, there's this part of me that says that this place doesn't really fit me. Instead, I have moulded myself to fit the place. End of the day, it makes no difference, I agree. But somehow I wish for a difference.

Friends. I have never had short of them ever in life. I am fortunate to carry with me, my best of pals, wherever I go. Despite the distances, and the marathon race of life, I know I can fall back and count on them. But somewhere along the track, I gave up on new friendships. I lost the base, I have let go of things, and people, all those little things that mattered at one point of time. Experiences bitter do change oneself, nay? As the saying goes, once bitten, twice shy. I guess its true. So I force myself to stay away. Be it from real life or virtual world. I have been hurt, and maybe I have hurt too. Somehow, I now believe in having a hand few of people whom you can trust your life with, than making a whole network of seemingly nice people. I know I may miss out on many a genuine ones. But I believe its not worth all the risk.

Cold. I may sound, don't I? Just got carried away. I know this isn't the right comeback write-up. But then, it ain't one too. I just dropped by my old space, to revisit some old memories. And then, I just knew I had to vent out. And I could have found no better space than this. So that's just about it.


A wonderful wonderful new year to everyone!!! :)

5 comments

hmmm.
its the intensity one seeks from friendship makes them want either few or many friends. to me depth is any day better than spread :)
and about the come back post, its YOUR blog after all, aint it?
cheers!

pleasure to find such a good artical! please keep update!! ........................................

Wish there was some way to make it better. But at the moment, myopic perspectives hinder... :(

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