Letting Go Takes Love...!

He had always been bad at keeping promises. And yet, I knew, he'd offer me the skies and fight the world, for me. And I believed every bit of him. But, one of those promises he broke- it shook my world.

Yet, technically speaking, I can't really blame him. After all he had truly tried his best to stick to his word. I have seen his struggle and pain, in his attempt to not fail me. But yeah, that does not stop me from being resentful. For, at the end of the day, I had to succumb to the biggest disappointment, ever. And I am sure, I'd never forget, or let him forget, either. Or, I wish it were so. Sigh!

Speaking of the very few promises he made ( Yeah, he was smart to know that he was never good at them anyways), there was the time when we had gone shopping, at Colaba Causeway. He had never been good at bargaining. He was simply too soft hearted and sympathetic. I had the flair for the endless bargains. And, I had made him promise that he'd not interfere with my bargaining banter, and not pay behind my back. Having agreed to this, we hit the streets.

It seemed as though it'd rain any moment. He wanted to get away before the rains begin. And I had other ideas. After all, its not every other day that you get to drench in the rains with your lover. Plus, my shopping was just getting better. The price of 750 rupees had just come down to 300. And, I was firing away to glory. But just as the first droplets of the rain hit our skin, he shoved some hundred rupee bills to the shopkeeper and dragged me away, before I could even respond. The rain did drench us. But all plans of a romantic bollywood rain dance had been washed away. We (to be read in singular) fought like cats and dogs that night, and a few many more.

Another time I had made him promise to come with me to the SidhiVinayak Temple at Dader. He being the self proclaimed agnostic (or was it atheist, I really never listened to him), had never relented to step into any religious shrine. But with much persuasion ( to be read as blackmail, dadagiri and sheer nagging), he gave in, finally. But with a lure, for sure- That I'd be clad in a sari, that being something he'd always wanted to see me in. So as per our plans, on the great day, I draped my denim-hugging-tshirt-loving frame into several yards of golden silk.Satisfied with the final result, I stepped out of home, hailed a rickshaw and reached the temple at sharp 7am. I waited for him. The time was 7.15, then 7.30...8... 8.30...9...Despite my 100 odd phone calls, none picked up. Furious, I hailed a rickshaw back home. And at half past 10, I got his call. He had Over-Slept. And, for the next several months, I made sure that he never got any sleep. So much for promises.

And the final promise he never kept...

Date : 17 July 2008.
Time: 4.30pm
Venue: Cafe Coffee Day, Vile Parle, Juhu.

I sat fuming. As always, we had made plans, and he was late. My mind wasted no time to plan and plot heinous punishments for him. And then, my cell phone rang. It wasn't him though. I sat through the one sided conversation, that lasted for a few seconds, but seemed like an eternity. The cell phone slipped through my hands. I didn't bother. All I knew was, I needed to be at Nanavati Hospital - Critical Care.

I saw him, entangled in tubes and devices. I met his brother outside the ER. He was not good. The accident had been bad. And there was nothing much they could do. And he had been put on artificial ventilation. I wanted to be there, with him. I moved into the room, sat next to him. I looked at him, and I wanted to scream and yell and cry...It felt like he wanted to speak through his unconsciousness. I felt as though he wanted to say sorry...to apologize...to make up...to make me smile...And, I was sorry too..so sorry...

"I know you were always bad at promises...But, I did not know, you'd try this hard to break one..." I half joked, through tears.

I knew I had to let go...

"I am so sorry sweetheart...But I know I need to let you go...I need to pull the plug...Shall I? I promised you once, just once, that I'd never let you off so easy...But, now darling, I realise letting you go is the only thing I can do... Am so sorry for us, for those broken dreams...But am glad, I have had all the love, and today, I am gonna give it all to let you go...Goodbye Sweetheart...I love you..."
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.
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I have loved him despite all those broken promises. I have loved him in spite of everything. And as I let go of him that fateful day, I realized that love is not about holding on. Its more about letting go. For, Letting go takes Love.

19 comments

Beautiful is an understatement for this Sash...

I find myself strangely worldess, speechless, me who can ramble on and on, with a hundred different perspectives, am stuck with a lump in my throat.

Utterly moving piece, Sashu, utterly moving....

You draw and stretch emotions to a screaming pitch, into silence.

Period.

Sashu, This is so moving as Ushus already mentioned. I echo her words.

Very realistic and emotional.

@usha mema
thank you very much :)

@solilo
thanks a lot :)

Same here. there is this strange way you have drawn us into the piece and made us believe its all to real and not just a story.

Loved it. Emotions come hard. But you rain it in always. God bless.

Splendid and brilliant. It touched the heart.. took me a minute to find my words for the articulation u projected in here...

second time this week i am coming across this phrase , let go...well i agree with the saying..let go your love, if it comes back all yours...

frankly , the let go you have mentioned here, i am not able to comprehend...

in the sense, i love so deeply, i am not able to let go....

the other phrase i read about let go is this...

Letting go has never been easy and holding on can be as difficult. Yet strengths measured not by holding on but by letting go.

:-|


I am moved....! Love, is a difficult thing to live with, and equally difficult thing, when its not there.

Well, written....M touched...

I am as well, the over-sleeper...


raj
http://bharatmelange.blogspot.com

really nice.
very very emotional..
excellent!
wishes..

@soumya
as alwz, mah constant support! wat wud i do wi out ya? :) hehe!! thanks!

@mahita
am so glad that it touched ya :) thanks for ur words!

@sunder
i totally agree to at u say..its so hard to let go, wen u love so deply.. but, wen u reach a point, where theres nothin u can do, you find yourself letting go... i guezz thats how it works :) thanks for ur comments!

@rajeev
first time here i guess :) thanks a bunch for dropping by! hope to see more of you!

@MIP
Glad!!! so very glad!! thank you MIP :)

After all the comments, I guess I can only echo everyone.

Am speechless! You have the magic! Nothing else would do justice.

@ prabhu
thanks dear admirer :) :) :) baaki chat me thank kar lungi..theek haina? :D

*Lump in the throat* *Gasp*

I am moved, Ssshzzz, very much!

Well,Sash,what do I say?Your posts always do this to me-make me speechless.Your words have a way of reaching out and striking a chord.

Wonderful wonderful read:)

Beautiful, moving...touched beyond words...Ushus has said it all...

Sashu you have a gift..
god bless..

@Rini
Thanks so much dear :)

@Deeps
Am so glad! Thanks a lot!

@Indyeah
Thanks so much! God bless!

trust
letting go
value of a relationship..

speechless

OMG Sasha, this brought tears to my eyes. Usha'a sentiments echoed. Beautiful is an understatement here.

@Chriz
Thank you very much!! :) thankz for droppin by!

@Shail
glad!!! thanks a bunch! :)

hey just came back to tell you..I've shifted.Do drop by to my new abode as and when time permits:))

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