Timeless Reflections!

I guess, November has proved to be Sweet, once again! I have just been conferred the Free Spirited and Independent Blogger Award, by Usha mema, Shalini, Praveen and Rini. Firstly I'd want to thank them, for this rare honour!!! Thank you!

And now to pass it on. I would want to share this with:

1. Rukhiya

2. Jagadeesh

3. Soumya

Congratulations everyone!!!

Phew!! I am just back after attending another of those Big Fat Kerala Weddings!

Being relatives(Huh! Don't get me started with the pedagogy though, It'd eat up the entire space here!), I couldn't make up excuses to skip this one. Not that I didn't try. Even tried enacting a scene out of Tom Sawyer's life, feinting sick. But even my 65 year old grandma is too smart for her age! She just wouldn't budge. So with no way out, I gave in, for the slaughter.

The wedding was held at Ashirwad lawns, one of the best auditoriums of our city. (Well...Why the heck am I typing out the details, as if you'd care :D ) Anyways, I reached there a good 2 hours early. Courtesy my grandma, who has a certain specialized form of OCD( Obsessive compulsive disorder)where she'd get ready hours and hours before time, and worst of all, expect the same out of me too.And you must have guessed by now,I am just darn lazy. But when she gets into one of those moods, there's no way out. Today being one of those days, I didn't even try to coax her out of it. And we ended up arriving along with the catering team, and the decoration agency. And had the best times of life inviting the bride's family in! How gross, nay?

I didn't keep my mouth shut, all the while nagging my grandma. But pretty soon, the scenario changed. And I got to be the victim. Came into scene, all the aunts and great aunts, whose sole interest seemed to be me and my wedding plans. God! I wonder, don't these ladies have nothing to do? The silly remarks and all the teasing and taunting that seemed no a less torture than being force fed poison, they never left me at peace! Some seemed to be walking marriage bureaus, stunning me with proposals all the time we came face to face! I tried to fake grand smiles and even tried my hand at giving the typical *shy-gonna be-bride* smiles!! Phew! I could have choked one of them, for sure!

As though I hadn't had enough, there came in the rush of all uncles and wise old men. Their interest basically revolved around my parents. To be exact, the very fact that my parents weren't present for the wedding. Now, how could someone expect dad to come down all the way to India, just to attend his wife's great aunt's son's daughter's husband's sister's daughter's wedding??? Beats me, truly! I managed to give in sympathetic nods and *yeah-i-couldn't-have-agreed-more* looks!! Another breed wanted to know of the current health scenario, and the income prospects after my graduation. What the heck? If I had some clues, I'd be doing something worthwhile than attending this wedding!!

Somehow, I managed to move into the dressing room, where sat the dainty bride! God!! I literally had a fright seeing her! She couldn't have been made up to look worse than this. The layers and layers and layers of make up made her seem like an alien! And all the glittering gold! Pity, the girl couldn't walk proper, weighed down by all that gold! I stood watching her in awe. The very fact that she seemed to be enjoying it made me go bonkers! Beats me, how one could tolerate this show off parade?!?! Gives me creeps, this kinda attitude!!

I walked away and managed to find a chair away from the horde of relatives. Several rows behind, I sat with people who seemed to be mere acquaintances of the groom's family. Lucky me! I didn't have to endure more of the "Oh! Its time for your wedding dear? You'd prefer an engineer in the US? I have just the perfect guy for you!" and "Oh, you look so lean! Mom's not even bothered, is it poor gal? Come over to aunts house, I'l fatten you up" (As though I needed more of fat over me...Yucks!)conversations! I did manage to catch in snippets of conversations here and there, regarding estimations of the bride's gold, the umpteen faults with the wedding arrangements and comparisons with previous wedding bashes!!

I just have no idea how I managed to endure the hours spent in the freak place! Finally, it was time to leave and I just uttered a silent prayer!!

Thank God!!!!!! No more of these Big Fat Weddings, please!!!!!

Being so very new into the world of actual blogging, this has come as a huge surprise!! A pleasant one no doubt! Firstly I'd wanna thank Praveen and Usha mema , for awarding me this lovely butterfly! Thanks a bunch :) It has colored my day to such a great extend! Thank You!!

I guess I am supposed to pass the award onto fellow bloggers whom I enjoy reading. Here are the rules regarding the award!

1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.
3. Link the bloggers whom you wanted to share this award to.

So, I'd like to pass the Butterfly Award onto:

1. Soumya

2. Man in Painting

3. Vrinda

4. Aria

5. Shalini


Congrats to everyone!! :)

Love Bites!!

I am not talking of those love bites that are often masked with the dab of compact or concealer. No, no... Am talking of the emotional trauma and pain that often comes along with love. Most of it are tolerable, when you know the love is mutual and the pain is just momentary. When in love, the emotional strings attached are often sources of enormous joy as well as sorrow. You get affected by every slight change in your lover. The attitude, the words, the silence- everything finds a new meaning, different each time over. And its a dependence that drags you in, deeper and deeper with each passing day. But as rightly said, there is a hidden pleasure behind these momentary tiffs and heart aches. For, end of the day, there is always a sweet making up, and you bond closer than before! So in steady relationships love bites just add spice to the blooming love!

But in case of a love unrequited, the heart ache is rather a heart break. Watching the one person, for whom you could even try eating broccoli, (er...figurative, you can pick your own food, the one thing you earnestly dislike!) walk away, is one of the hardest things in life. And often, it leaves a scar that cannot be wiped off. Yeah, time does play the role of a concealer as it heals the ache over time. Some of these lonely hearts try to find another heart with which it can start a new therapy, while certain others switch over to the Devdas Era, and then there's a sudden boom in the liquor and beverages industry. I often wonder how would these beverage corps do without these Devdas-es! God bless these guys! They help an industry survive! Truly magnanimous, ain't they?

Yeah, talking about love bites, there's a third category. Here the victims are actually innocent. They would have just rejected some proposal and continued with their lives, without bothering or even noticing the love bite on their counterparts in this drama. And then the other person gets violent and revengeful and the whole scene gets messy. Here there is victimization where the innocent gets a love bite, despite having no definite role to play. And I gather this is the hardest of love bites!

So love hurts... If not you, it hurts some one else...! Yet, there's nothing like Love!!! Its the only pure emotion that has the power to change your world and mine!! Ain't it in itself a contradiction??!

Ah! Love bites!!

1 January 2008.
00.00am

I walked across the room to the wall where hung the calender. Crossing off the 31st of December, I stood in deep thought.Its January 1st already! The one day that could change my world upside down. Anticipation flooded my senses and I felt butterflies play a symphony in my tummy. Sitting on my bed, My hands cupped in prayer, I closed my eyes and meditated. In the muted silence of the night, the only other sounds were the occasional vehicles on the road and the buzz of mosquitoes. I tried to shut my eyes close and sleep. But in vain. Restless, I got out of my bed and decided to checklist the items for the day.

The pink salwar kameez, all pressed without even a single crease, lay on the hanger, safe. I opened the clutch purse and counted the cash once again. 5 grand and some odd change. The lipstick and compact had cost me a bundle. Yet, I needed them for the day and had picked it up with no guilt pangs. I put them back into the purse and decided to sleep. Switching off the lights, I hit the bed.

07.00am

I don't know when I slipped into sleep last night. Now the time showed 7am. I rushed in for a shower. Slipping into the new salwar suit, I felt pretty. Admiring myself in the mirror I smiled. "Not bad, not bad at all" At 5 feet 8 inches, I stood taller than most Indian women. With a fair skin and long curly hair, I have always managed to turn heads where ever I go. Once again, the knot in my stomach churned and I blushed red in excitement. The time sped by as I fixed my curls and dabbed on some make up.

10.00am

I yelled a goodbye to my mom and walked out of our apartment. The traffic was terrible as usual. There are times when I wished I were rich, just to be able to afford a helicopter to avoid the hurdles of Mumbai traffic. But then as the saying goes, If wishes were horses....! I waited for a rickshaw for a while. And finally found one. I hopped in, with no time to spare.

"Bhaiyya, Orchid Hotel, Nehru Road. Zara tez chalana, thodi jaldi me hu"

"Humphhhhh"

I sat back, the nervousness reaching up to a state of paranoia. It was to be our first meeting. I met Rakesh on the internet around 6 months back. He is basically from Delhi. But after his graduation he left for the US, where he completed his post graduation at Arizona University and is currently working as a software engineer in the US. And that's exactly what I was planning to do. I planned to get into Arizona University for my Masters. My parents would never approve nor could they afford to send me to the US for studies. And I hated being poor, for this reason and a hell lot more. Anyways, the job at the BPO had given me a source of income. And I had somehow managed to give my GRE and the score being decent enough would fetch me a seat abroad. But applying to universities had been a pain, for the cash requirements were too much for me to handle. But thanks to Rakesh, I could apply to quite a few universities. Coming to Rakesh, I sure hoped he looks handsome and smart. The anxiety seemed to rise with each passing moment!

10.45am

"Orchid"

I awoke from my reverie. "Kitna hua?"

"Thees rupaiyya"

I paid the cash and walked in through the gates. Its the first time I've ever set my foot at Orchid. I felt nervous and very much out of place. I walked into the restaurant, and with the help of the manager I found the table reserved for us. I sat down, a nervous wreck, expecting my Prince Charming to come any moment and sweep me off my feet. I felt a hand on my shoulder. Startled, I turned back.

Freeze!!!

The whole scene froze before my eyes. I found a dark, pudgy man with a receding hairline and cleft lips. My hands trembled, my eyes failed to focus. I passed out, I gather.

11.30am

My head really ached, and I felt all dizzy. The room felt oddly strange and I managed to sit up on the bed. Rakesh was sitting next to me, holding my hands in his. I felt sick, nauseous.

"Kya hua jaan? You alright now?"

"ummm... Nothing ... I just have a nasty headache"

"Don't worry darling. I'll get you an aspirin. You rest up. I'll be right back"

I watched the beefy man walk out of the room. I felt disgusted, and hurt.The disappointment crept in and I felt anger at myself rising. All I wanted to do was leave. I stood up still feeling dizzy, grabbed my purse and slipped into my sandals and was about to move about, when I found an envelope on the table, addressed to me. I opened it and found my visa processed, and there were the scholarship sanction and the admission letter from Arizona university.I felt weak all off the sudden. Torn between anger and desire, I sat down on the couch.

"Ah! Spoilsport! You spoiled my surprise. Anyways, Congrats sweetheart! You are flying to the US. Here's your aspirin."

I gulped down the tablet and looked at him and smiled weakly.

"Thanks a lot Rakesh", I managed to quip.

"Come on Neeta, this is the least I could do for you. Now smile baby, US is at your calling. "

I felt his hands on my shoulder once again. I felt the weight of the envelope pulling me down. He forced me to face him and I felt his cleft lips close down on mine.The nausea returned once again, and I felt the bile rise. Yet my eyes strayed onto the envelope and I never freed myself from him.

Everything turned smokey all off a sudden. I felt his hands all over me. I felt the weight of his body over me, pushing me down and hurting me. Then I felt no more. Everything happened in a haze and I kept replaying the Envelope in my mind...The Envelope...The Envelope...And I felt him shudder and go limp, over me. I closed my eyes shut. It was cold, all off a sudden.

After a while I heard his snores and I pushed his hand away from me. I slipped out of bed and held the envelope in my hand. Sitting on the couch, with a blanket over me, I looked out of the window...

...America, here I come, I whispered to no one...!

It's the very first time I have been tagged... Thanks to Usha Mema, am ready for some action, and here I go...!!

-Yesterday
Your oldest memories

My oldest memories eh? Hmm... The earliest of memories I have is of my trip to India. I must have been almost two and half years of age. I remember vaguely the preparations for the trip, the endless hours of shopping, tagging along with mom and dad, whining and cribbing for a doll house, getting yelled upon, and still bawling at the loudest of voices. And I remember being granted my wish, sitting all smug in our car, admiring my very own doll house, while my mom and dad sat in muted silence... And I have vague memories of being friendly with an air hostess, with the same name as mine, getting a doll from her and visiting the air hostess cabin...Just vague memories, which I confirmed with my mom, just a while back!!!

And I remember my walks with grandpa, on most evenings of our vacation in India. Holding his hand, I'd walk to the small grocery shop near home and he'd talk to everyone on the streets, introduce me to them, saying I'm the foreign return kid (oooh... I loved hearing that!! hehe :D) And by late eve we'd walk back home with some peanuts in my hand... English was the only language I knew then, and I'd chatter endlessly with my grandpa, about life abroad, my school, mom and dad and much much more...! Missing Grandpa now :)

So thats it- my earliest, oldest memories!


-What were you doing ten years ago?

Ten years!! It seems like eons ago!! Ten years ago, I'd been in the stage of transition from a kid to a teenager... An age of all woes and a hell lot of attitude problems. With all the usual pangs of adolescence, rebellious in thoughts, yet not that brave to let the thoughts out. Friends meant the world to me, then. Studies were never much of a deal, for I've always managed to do well academically (*pats myself!!* hehe) Its also the time when I wrote my first poetry. I still remember the poem...It was an art project at school... Painting and renovation work was going on at home and amidst all the clutter and noise, I managed to find a peaceful spot and sat down to write my first poetry! Pleased with myself, I stepped out to get myself some water, during which someone got hold of my poetry. I heard the laughs downstairs and ran along, to find my poetry being scorned.... I still remember the anger and ache I felt at that moment... But then, I got the top scores at school for my poem. And ever since, I haven't let go of my poetry!! I guess this is the one gift I got ten years ago...! Apart from that, everything had been the same...The normal life of a 13 year old...!


-Today

Today, am glad I'm me!! Truly narcissistic a statement, I know! But then, I know I couldn't have asked for being anyone other than me. I enjoy my life, every single moment is special and utterly so...! I have the ups and downs of life, just as every one... Yet, I know I can manage it all.. In the final year of graduation, at CMC, I have reached that stage where I know that my college days are coming to an end, and soon, I'd be ready to step out into the actual space of Life and Living. But I look up to it with awe, and so full of dreams! And I believe, I'm gonna do it well and make it BIG!! :)

These five years at Calicut, have molded me to the person that I am. Juggling my time between studies and home, I know I have absorbed and learned, more than ever. College has been an enriching experience, academically and in terms of experiences. Have had a very topsy curvy life at college... With a lot of troubles starting from ragging to adjustment problems, tiffs with classmates, warnings from principal and a lot much more... Maybe I'd start off my college era as a separate post sometime, if there are any takers, I mean!

I had been at home with just my grandma for some time. And its been one of the best things that has happened to me.But these times of being together has changed me to an extend unexplainable!! From knowing to manage a household( Yups, I know it all...from pretty decent cooking to taking care of all the monthly bills, the medical check ups to the grocery shopping, the arguments at the fish markets to the maintenance works at home, its been an amazing experience that I'd never ever forget!), these days have made me the person I am, today! And I am indebted, to Life for throwing such experiences at my way...!!


-Tomorrow

Tomorrow...! I am currently on a month leave from college. So I'd be at home tomorrow. Have some chores at home to be done... Slaying the dragons, as Usha mema says...hehehe!! Apart from that, I need to pay the telephone bills and one of our taps have gone on strike..So need to get a plumber too. And maybe, I'd find some time to study. Have exams nearing. Final year, the pressure just kills...! So yea, that is about tomorrow!


-What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?

This is my favourite question in this tag :) 14 years from now, I find myself happy and gay, sharing my life with my adorable Googligan Husband ( Hehehehe!!!) and my lovely little kids - Nakshatra, Prithvi, Arthvika and Gagan!! ( Lolz... I have a liking for excess..! hehehe!!) and working, either at any hospital or else at any Pharma company in the United Kingdom( Well, my husband would get a posting there. So, fixing upon UK)!! That's the picture I have in my mind!! :)

There are a lot many more dreams and visions...But, I'd grade them personal...! So this is it for you to know!! :)


-If you build a time capsule what would it contain?

My family, friends and dear ones! A good luck charm I cherish so much, that my life could never be the same without it. Its a memoir from one of the dearest persons in my life, who unfortunately is no more... And my Diary, that has soaked in my tears and smiles, joys and sorrows! I guess that'd be it!! :)


It has been such a fabulous ride, this tag... Got me wind up and down the path of my life, till date!! Thanks once again Usha mema!!! And am I supposed to tag people now??? ( Am pretty ignorant about how this tag thingy works!! )