The Big Fat Kerala Wedding!!

Phew!! I am just back after attending another of those Big Fat Kerala Weddings!

Being relatives(Huh! Don't get me started with the pedagogy though, It'd eat up the entire space here!), I couldn't make up excuses to skip this one. Not that I didn't try. Even tried enacting a scene out of Tom Sawyer's life, feinting sick. But even my 65 year old grandma is too smart for her age! She just wouldn't budge. So with no way out, I gave in, for the slaughter.

The wedding was held at Ashirwad lawns, one of the best auditoriums of our city. (Well...Why the heck am I typing out the details, as if you'd care :D ) Anyways, I reached there a good 2 hours early. Courtesy my grandma, who has a certain specialized form of OCD( Obsessive compulsive disorder)where she'd get ready hours and hours before time, and worst of all, expect the same out of me too.And you must have guessed by now,I am just darn lazy. But when she gets into one of those moods, there's no way out. Today being one of those days, I didn't even try to coax her out of it. And we ended up arriving along with the catering team, and the decoration agency. And had the best times of life inviting the bride's family in! How gross, nay?

I didn't keep my mouth shut, all the while nagging my grandma. But pretty soon, the scenario changed. And I got to be the victim. Came into scene, all the aunts and great aunts, whose sole interest seemed to be me and my wedding plans. God! I wonder, don't these ladies have nothing to do? The silly remarks and all the teasing and taunting that seemed no a less torture than being force fed poison, they never left me at peace! Some seemed to be walking marriage bureaus, stunning me with proposals all the time we came face to face! I tried to fake grand smiles and even tried my hand at giving the typical *shy-gonna be-bride* smiles!! Phew! I could have choked one of them, for sure!

As though I hadn't had enough, there came in the rush of all uncles and wise old men. Their interest basically revolved around my parents. To be exact, the very fact that my parents weren't present for the wedding. Now, how could someone expect dad to come down all the way to India, just to attend his wife's great aunt's son's daughter's husband's sister's daughter's wedding??? Beats me, truly! I managed to give in sympathetic nods and *yeah-i-couldn't-have-agreed-more* looks!! Another breed wanted to know of the current health scenario, and the income prospects after my graduation. What the heck? If I had some clues, I'd be doing something worthwhile than attending this wedding!!

Somehow, I managed to move into the dressing room, where sat the dainty bride! God!! I literally had a fright seeing her! She couldn't have been made up to look worse than this. The layers and layers and layers of make up made her seem like an alien! And all the glittering gold! Pity, the girl couldn't walk proper, weighed down by all that gold! I stood watching her in awe. The very fact that she seemed to be enjoying it made me go bonkers! Beats me, how one could tolerate this show off parade?!?! Gives me creeps, this kinda attitude!!

I walked away and managed to find a chair away from the horde of relatives. Several rows behind, I sat with people who seemed to be mere acquaintances of the groom's family. Lucky me! I didn't have to endure more of the "Oh! Its time for your wedding dear? You'd prefer an engineer in the US? I have just the perfect guy for you!" and "Oh, you look so lean! Mom's not even bothered, is it poor gal? Come over to aunts house, I'l fatten you up" (As though I needed more of fat over me...Yucks!)conversations! I did manage to catch in snippets of conversations here and there, regarding estimations of the bride's gold, the umpteen faults with the wedding arrangements and comparisons with previous wedding bashes!!

I just have no idea how I managed to endure the hours spent in the freak place! Finally, it was time to leave and I just uttered a silent prayer!!

Thank God!!!!!! No more of these Big Fat Weddings, please!!!!!

12 comments

Hyuck! Hyuck!! That was a snigger.. :D!!

It's that question now is it?? Doesn't get any better the more u stay unattached!!

Get that Googligan made into an honest man, and sooon.. or .. :D :D :D!

Loved this one!!

Hehe! yea mema, thatz juz de quezn dez days!! sigh!! :D

yea, waitin for december...lemme try makin a gentleman outta de googligan!! :P

thanks for the lovely note!!

My my!!! What to say?!! Enjoyed the read....though!! :)

hehe..enjoyed the post.
the thing I hate the most about these weddings are those dreaded question from unknown aunts- "do u remember me? do u know who I am"..yes, I know u r my grandad's daddy's mother's younger sister's cousin's daughter, right?
and yes, the flaunting of wealth is also an irritant..
But whatever happens, thr's one thing that makes these weddings unmissable for me- "the sadya" :p

Interesting.. The comments arena more so :|

On serious note,social gatherings are not the place to be if one is not in proper frame of mind!

"snippets of conversations here and there, regarding estimations of the bride's gold, the umpteen faults with the wedding arrangements and comparisons with previous wedding bashes!!" ..which tells me that your wedding is going to be a big fat one too..your parents and aunties and uncles wont have it otherwise:)..luckily,all this circus stops once you finally get married..or so i thought..

First time in your blog:)

i am visiting this page on my last day in the blog world.. tmrw's post will be my last post..

let the wedding bells ring for you soon

What's up with bloggers these days? Everyone's been crying around the "When's your wedding?" bit! LOL!

Nice post...totally echoes my sentiment. Being the youngest in the family, I usually get bored soon at weddings because of lack of good company. I just don't like all these big lavish weddings, a complete waste of precious money.

I also don't like the impersonal nature of such weddings, because the parents (bride's or groom's) just don't have time to attend to each guest personally, which I feel is very sad. :(

Also all these long lost cousins and relatives you meet! Arghh! I remember, once this aunty who had seen me when I was a day old, asked me if I remembered her! And I was like "Ofcourse I do! How can I forget you?" LOL! :D

You are just about to finish your graduation. And marriage plans already? Isn't that too soon? I mean...NO WAY!

OK, whenever you do decide to get married, send me an invitation ok!

(Hmmm....long comment na! :)

The layers of make-up and the gold weighing the bride down! Aaaaargh!

passing it on :)

http://shalinid.blogspot.com/2008/11/awards-time.html

@ anu
thanks for the read :)

@ praveen
hehe..sadya is indeed worth all de trouble at tyms! but yea, dez horde f relatives can make the best f sadya feel like poison!! thanks praveen!

@ prabhu
thanks for the note...glad that somethingz interestin after all ;) thank ya!!

@ shikha
well the plans are all along that way! though, dey hv no clues whatz gonna hit them! :D prmise ya, mah weddinz gonna be a decent simple affair...hehehe!!

@ chriz
sorry that u visited this blog as ya plannin to leave bloggin...but glad that u did drop by! thanks!! n regardin weddin bells, i'd rather let it wait :)

@ tara
thnks so much for that elaborate n wonderful note! i agree that juz soon aftr grads is too soon...but then, i can hardly wait...not for de weddin...to get engaged...lolz :D

@ shail
thanks so much for dropping by!

@shalu
thanks so much!! :)

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